Tears
by Xtremeroswellian
Summary: Bosco and Faith reflect on the events of the past few days. Fic 4 in the "Wherever You Will Go" series.
1. Default Chapter

Title: Tears (1/2): Story 4 in the Wherever You Will Go series 

Author(s): Demelza and X_tremeroswellian 

Emails: demelza81@yahoo.co.nz and X_tremeroswellian@yahoo.com 

Disclaimer: They are not ours. Don't sue. The songs Let Me Fall by Josh Groban and Cry a River by Amy Grant are also not ours, we just borrowed the lyrics.   
  
Rating: PG   
  
Spoilers: Up through and including The Unforgiven.   
  
Summary: Bosco and Faith reflect on the events of the past two days.   
  
Author's Note: This is the fourth story in a series of Third Watch fics we're writing titled "Wherever You Will Go." The first one is "Confessions," the second is Here With Me and the third is You may want to read that one first before continuing. We are working on developing an archive for these fics to make them more accessible for everyone.   


* * *

Tears (Part One) 

Bosco's shift ended around quarter past eleven. He'd worked the rest of his shift with Gusler, a few times he had even bit the younger officer's head off, unintentionally. But he was so pissed off inside, pissed off about the entire situation between him and Faith.   
  
His heart raced at the thought of her name, as he reclined against the back of the sofa in his living room. But then those stabbing words, maybe you don't know me as well as you think you do.' What had she meant? He wanted to know, he even pressed her to tell him, but his words had just made the situation between them worse. You idiot, Boscorelli, he cursed himself.   
  
In his bid to show Faith how much he cared, that he would be there for her, and always there to listen, he had ended up not only hurting their relationship, but also hurting her. By his own words he was so blind to see the pain filled tears she was shedding right in front of him. He just wanted to reaffirm his love for her, have her understand and know that she wasn't happy in her marriage to Fred that he didn't even hear the painfully spoken pitches in her voice.   
  
He closed his eyes, the silence beating him with more memories of the past two days. Their online conversation about her unhappiness, Faith's unwillingness to talk to him for even a moment at work, and then when they were in the elevator. His mind flashed with vivid recollection of her words, If you knew how messed up I really was you wouldn't say that.' But he had meant it when he said she was the best thing that had ever happened in his life.   
  
Let me fall   
Let me climb   
There's a moment when fear   
And dreams must collide   
  
Someone I am   
Is waiting for courage   
The one I want   
The one I will become   
Will catch me   
  
So let me fall   
If I must fall   
I won't heed your warnings   
I won't hear them   
  
Bosco slowly opened his eyes. Fresh tears flowing unevenly from them as he remembered.   
  
That's what I love about you, Faith... you're not like Nicole, you're not like any of those other wannabe's... you're you. You're Faith.' He'd told her, it was every bit of truth he felt.   
  
But came her painful words back, You don't love me.'   
  
Let me fall   
If I fall   
Though the phoenix may   
Or may not rise   
  
I will dance so freely   
Holding on to no one   
You can hold me only   
If you too will fall   
Away from all these   
Useless fears and chains   
  
She doubted his words, and believed her own. She believed he didn't love her, claiming that his words of love were just a disguised variation of the security he was desperately holding onto, so that he wouldn't need to find someone else to share his life with, someone he really *did* love.   
  
I do love you, Faith, he thought, closing his eyes again, forcing more tears from his eyes.   


End Part 1


	2. Part 2

Title: Tears (2/2): Story 4 in the Wherever You Will Go series 

Author(s): Demelza and X_tremeroswellian 

Emails: demelza81@yahoo.co.nz and X_tremeroswellian@yahoo.com 

Disclaimer: They are not ours. Don't sue. The songs Let Me Fall by Josh Groban and Cry a River by Amy Grant are also not ours, we just borrowed the lyrics.   
  
Rating: PG   
  
Spoilers: Up through and including The Unforgiven.   
  
Summary: Bosco and Faith reflect on the events of the past two days.   
  
Author's Note: This is the fourth story in a series of Third Watch fics we're writing titled "Wherever You Will Go." The first one is "Confessions," the second is Here With Me and the third is You may want to read that one first before continuing. We are working on developing an archive for these fics to make them more accessible for everyone. 

* * *

Tears (Part Two)

Faith stared out the living room window at the rainfall. Fred had gone to bed hours ago without saying another word to her after their fight earlier.

She let go of the curtain, letting it fall back into place as her gaze drifted across the room to the framed pictures on the mantle.

She walked over and studied each one in turn: one of Fred and her on their wedding day, one of her and Fred with the kids two Christmases ago, one of Emily and Charlie dressed up on Easter Sunday. And the last one.

Faith reached over and picked up the framed, gazing down at the picture of Bosco with Emily and Charlie. She'd snapped the shot just a few months ago when he'd come over for Emily's thirteenth birthday party. 

Who knew love would come walking through my door  
Turn the light on somewhere down inside  
Give me a feeling I've never had before  
It was a long wait--it was just the wrong time

"Why do you do that?"   
"Why do I do what?"  
"Stop talking about something when you know it needs to be sorted!"

She closed her eyes as she recalled the anger in his voice.

"Bosco, I'm not what you want."  
"How do you know what I want?"   
"Why me, Bosco? Out of everyone you could have picked to fall for....why me?"  
"Why not you?"

Faith shook her head. "If you only knew..." she whispered, tears filling her eyes.

I hope you'll hold me now...somewhere within  
And when you think of what might've been  
Cry a river  
Flood the sea  
Cry a river over me

"I'm sorry, Boz."   
"So this afternoon..."  
"If things were different...if it was just me I had to think about..."

Take the bitter with the sweet  
And cry a river over me

"I'd love to take Crystal to Hawaii. Not that we'd see much of the island."

She felt her stomach turn, then she felt angry with herself. What right did she have to be upset with him? They weren't together. She was married to Fred. She had chosen to stay with her husband. Did she expect that he would wait on her to change her mind? That wasn't right. And it wasn't a fair expectation to put on Bosco. He didn't deserve to be alone.

"It would never work, Bosco."   
"Yes, it would."  
"No, it wouldn't...because I'm not the person you think I am."   
"You say that, but I know that's not true!"

Faith swallowed hard, remembering the look on his face, the hurt in his eyes.

"Me and you what, Faith?"  
"It just wasn't meant to be."

And how do you argue  
With the feeling in your bones  
About what is and what isn't meant to be

"You're mistaking happiness for security, Bosco. There's a big difference."  
"No, I think you are, staying with Fred. That's what you see when you go upstairs every night after work, that you forget what's really important. Being happy. And if you say you're happy with him, then you're a liar!"  
"Don't judge me, Bosco. You don't know where I've been."

Some things you live with  
And you never let it show

"You really don't want to know, Bosco...trust me."   
"Yes, I do. Tell me, Faith...tell me what was so bad about your past."

Faith opened her eyes, a teardrop splashing down onto the glass covering Bosco's picture. "You don't know how much I wish I could." She took a deep breath and swallowed hard.

If only she hadn't decided to go into that chat room two nights ago. If only she and Bosco hadn't gotten trapped on that elevator. Then things would have been normal. She could have kept it all hidden. Bosco probably never would have said those things to her. It was just the circumstances they were under...

He doesn't really love me, she thought, shaking her head slowly. He just thinks he does.

Another teardrop fell down on the picture and she squeezed her eyes shut once more. She wondered what would have happened if she had met Bosco first. 

It doesn't matter, Faith thought, berating herself. It didn't happen that way. Just get over it.

Bosco thought she needed to be saved from Fred, but that wasn't the truth.

She needed to be saved from herself.

I hope you'll think of me  
When tender winds blow  
Sit on the shores of love  
And just let it go

Faith opened her eyes and drew in another deep breath. With shaking hands, she set the picture back up on the mantle and turned away. She sat down on the sofa, her mind flashing back to the night Bosco had shown up on her doorstep, looking more weary than she'd ever seen him. He had bared his soul to her that night. Had cried in her arms.

And even then, even then--she couldn't help thinking that it felt right for her to be the one he turned to for comfort, for reassurance. It had felt right.

But it wasn't.

With resolve, Faith leaned back against the couch, allowing her tears to fall without bothering to wipe them away.

She had made her choice.

Now she had to live with it.

Cry a river  
Flood the sea  
Cry a river over me  
Take the bitter with the sweet  
And cry a river over me

-End-

What happens when two unarmed police officers are taken hostage in a bank robbery gone awry? Find out in Wherever You Will Go fic #5: Fear


End file.
